Self-Destructive Teenage Me

I recall a time

When I moved through the world

With a hate-filled heart

In anger and rage.

All I knew was to hurt

Cause pain

Because that was all I had seen

And felt

Deep down inside of teenage me.

 

From a young age I had been

Bullied and called names

Until it came to a point

Where I believe what they said.

Death claimed and silenced those

I was close too

And loved

Another reason for me

To hate the world I once adored.

Self-respect was torn from me

With words and actions

Both from others

And me.

 

With no respect for myself

I tore down my world

Trashing lives and burning bridges

I was just another teenager

Screaming for help on the inside.

I nurtured toxic relationships

Obeying them when they told me to jump

Told me to drink to the very last drop

Of the bottle

Which was fuel for the fire

That burned inside of me.

The drink it took over

Allowing the flames of my rage

To consume

The teenage me.

 

Often I look back

At the teenager in the shadows

Of my past.

Remembering the hate, the rage and the darkness they had felt.

That pain that helped create

The adult I am today

Hate has turned to love

And compassion for all around me.

The darkness gave way to light

As I found respect for myself

And those words that others called me

The actions they made against me

No longer drag me down.

This love I now feel

Goes out

Into the world.

 

~ Greywatcher

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